Sympathy
by Luaneei
Summary: One year already passed since Kosuke brought Eric to HOMRA. During that time Eric fell in love with him but is way too afraid to tell Kosuke how he feels about him. Eric knows that it would destroy everything if Kosuke would know. But isn't it sometimes better to risk something? Kosuke, however isn't sure about what he should feel and what he really wants.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's note:_ So, this one is short. I know! ;A; But I just want to see what you guys are thinking about the idea of Eric being hopelessly in love with Kosuke. Let me know if you want to read more. : Rated M for upcoming chapters. ~**

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**Chapter ● One**

_Eric_

It has been one year already. One year ago I was brought to HOMRA. I do not think that I would still be alive without that red-haired chump. He cared for me very well and I definitely am grateful. Even though I never show it to anyone. But I know that he knows.

I am currently living with Kosuke at his place. There is not much space for two actually, so he agreed to sleep on the couch. But I told him that I would not mind sleeping on the couch or sharing a bed with him, as long as he does not mind. And since his bed is big enough we agreed to us both sleeping in it. I never preferred sleeping alone anyway.

This night I am home later than usual. Kosuke has been messaging me, but I ignored it. I already heard Kosuke talking before walking into the living room. There is a guest, a girl sitting next to him. It is his girlfriend and I have to admit that I do not like her. She has long blonde hair and is not very tall. I do not know what it is what Kosuke feels attracted to.

"There you are, Eric. You sure know how to keep me worrying.", Kosuke says with a smile on his face. "I invited Asuka-chan. I hope you don't mind."

"Nope." I say and turn around, heading right into the kitchen. Actually, I do mind. But Kosuke is not the type for making his guests leave just because I want it so. He rarely does anything for me. Over the few months I have lived here he changed a lot. At first he made sure to care enough. I always had his attention, he used to ask me if I would be okay with it before doing anything that involves me. Today he still cares for me, but since I found a job and he found his girlfriend I am just another _normal friend_ to him. I do a lot of stuff on my own now. Without needing Kosuke to help me. That is actually not bad.

I don't know if he knows, but he is not just a normal friend to me. I loved the way he cared for me. And that made me love him in general. Right from the first time I saw him I noticed that he is a handsome guy. I loved listening to him when he talked and I hated to see him talking with anyone but me. I had the feeling that getting his attention would become harder each day and I hoped strongly that I would lose interest some time. But that never was the case and still is not.

"She's going to stay for the night." I jerked a bit by hearing his voice. I was so deep in my thoughts that I did not hear him come.

"She is? Nice.", I lie, still having my back turned on him.

"So... You wouldn't mind sleeping on the couch tonight?"

I turn around to meet his eyes. I do not like the idea of her stealing my place to sleep. I already know Kosuke since a year. She knows him since just 5 months. So it is actually my right to stay and her right to sleep on the couch. But of course I would never say Kosuke what I truly think about it. I never do.

"I don't.", I say with eyes fixed on the ground.

Kosuke walks back into the living room while I stay in the kitchen for a while. It is terrible to love someone who can't love you back and probably never will. It is even worse knowing that he loves someone you hate instead. After a while I hear Asuka coming in.

"I'm really happy right now. Kosuke is so cute. It's like I fall in love with him every time I see him. I knew right from the beginning that he is the man I want to grow old with.". I have no idea why the hell she tells me this right now. I couldn't do anything but roll my eyes when she looked away.

"I'm tired. It would be nice of you to leave the living room now so I can get some sleep.", I say while Kosuke is coming in as well. He looks at me with surprise while I am walking pass him. He probably expected something else.

"Yeah, sure. Not a problem. We were about to go to sleep as well anyway. Good Night, Eric."

I did not answer him. I just let my tired body fall down on the couch. Maybe I should finally try to learn to tell Kosuke how I feel. How I feel about certain situations or how I feel about him. I do not think that it would get us very far. It think it will even have negative consequences if he knows that I fell in love with him. I can imagine that he would try to get some space between us, so that my feelings for him will just fade away. He is that type of guy for doing that. And I do not want space between us.

Last night I slept surprisingly good on the couch. Kosuke and I both have a day off today I remember. After slowly waking up I noticed that Asuka is still here. I hear both of their laughter coming from the bedroom. I could not stand it and so I pull up the blanket. When will she finally leave?

The bedroom door opens and Kosuke is coming out just in his boxers. I pretend to still sleep and watch him for a while. It looks like he is looking for something. Then he looks in my direction.

"Mornin', pal. Have you seen my cigarettes?"

"Are you going to smoke in the bedroom?! You remember that I am actually sleeping there, too. Or did you already forget?" I am surprised and straightly sit up. I do smoke every now and again. But still I do not want that smell of cigarette in the room where I am sleeping.

"No, no, no. I won't smoke in the bedroom. Chill.", Kosuke says a bit annoyed. "Asuka just asked me for a cigarette. She ran out of it, you know."

I lean back again. It would have been weird if Kosuke suddenly starts smoking in the bedroom.

"Got them!" Kosuke celebrates while staring at me with a grin. I look back at him with a tiny smile but he does not stop staring at me and so my smile fades again.

"What are you staring at?"

"Nothing. Sorry." He turns around and heads for the bedroom again as if nothing happened. What a weirdo.

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**_Author's note:_ I don't think that Kosuke's girlfriend will get an important role in that fanfic. At least I don't know yet. I tried to be as in-character as possible. I hope everything's fine! If you have any improvement suggestions or any ideas I should build into that story let me know. I'm open for everything! Thank you for reading! c:  
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	2. Chapter 2

******Chapter ● Two**

_Kosuke_

Eric changed a lot. When I first brought him to HOMRA he was very shy and barely talked to anyone. He talks a lot more now. To me and to all the other members. Sometimes I have the feeling that he does not say what he really thinks. He probably thinks I never notice, but I do. Like two days ago when Asuka stayed for the night. I do not know what it is, but he behaves different when she is around.

For today Eric and I decided to spend the day with the other guys in Kusanagi-san's bar. It is summer and it is hot outside. Everyone are just sitting around and do nothing at all. Even Kusanagi-san seems to be more tired than usual today. We sit down on the couch where all the others are sitting as well.

"It's official now!", Akagi suddenly turns to meet my eyes. "Chitose and Maria. He just admitted that they are dating."

"I know. Who cares anyway?" All I can do is shrug. It is not like that would be great news for me. And it is also not like anyone would be interested in it that much. Well, Akagi seems interested in it a lot.

"I just don't really understand, you know. She was about to kill that dork and now he fell for her?", Akagi tries to start that kind of conversation with me, but I ignore him. I turn around to see what Eric is doing.

"Who the fuck cares?", Eric says more to himself while staring up the ceiling. He looks tired. He hardly got his eyes closed last night. I heard and felt him turning from one side to the other. Something seems to keep his mind busy.

"You look terrible. Are you getting ill?", I ask carefully.

"No, I'm just tired." He turns away from me. I wish I would know what I have done to him. The last few days he barely talks to me. He started to ignore me after Asuka left. He were probably not okay with sleeping on the couch that night. Then the voice of Kusanagi-san begins to interrupt my thoughts.

"I have some business to do. How about you go outside for a little while. King is sleeping upstairs and you guys can be so noisy sometimes." This means that he wants us to go. It is clever to use King and his business as an excuse for leaving him alone so he could take a little nap on the couch.

"Come on, Kusanagi-san. It's too hot outside.", Chitose whines before everyone is leaving the bar. There was no chance for us to stay, anyway. I turn around, waiting for Eric to come outside the door.

"Maybe it's better to go home. You better get some sleep, man." I earned a little growl from him. Nothing more. "Okay, we're definitely going home, Eric. Thanks for that nice answer, though.", I growled back at him. He just follows me without a word.

We did not speak the whole way home. After entering the living room he carelessly lets himself fall down on thecouch. His tiredness makes me rethink if it is really the right time to talk to him. Still it burns inside of me. I want to know what I have done wrong the last days. So I take a seat next to him on the couch.

"Tell me what your problem is. Have I done anything wrong? Did Asuka do anything wrong the day she was here?"

"Kosuke, could we talk about it later, please?", he says, annoyed as usual when I mention my girlfriend's name.

"No, I want to know it now! Not later. What is your fucking problem? I'm tired of your behavior, man."

"It's none of your business.", he says loudly and stands up, heading into the bedroom. I stand up as well to stop him, standing in his way.

"Stop making it my business, then! All you did the last days was bitching around. I'm tired of it." Eric turns his head away from me and tries his best to avoid eye contact. Well, maybe I was a bit too harsh. Seems like it is a big problem he has to deal with. But I just said what needed to be said.

"May I?", he says quietly while looking into my eyes, so I step aside. It is like he did not listen to me. Like he overheard what I just said. On purpose. Actions like this make me angry. But it would be senseless to yell at him or even try to talk calmly to him. Sometimes I have the feeling he is making fun of me because of these little problems we have every once in a while. He probably is laughing behind my back. And that is something that actually hurts me. I do not know if he knows, but he is a very close friend to me. We are living together, we wake up together, we do everything together. And still he treats me like I am just a normal friend to him. Sometimes I wonder if he has forgotten that without me he would already be dead.

Last night I decided to sleep on the couch. I was far too angry to sleep next to him. Eric and I did not talk since our little argument yesterday. And I did not see him this morning. I made sure to be off to work before he wakes up. On my way home I received a message from him.

**Eric (6.34pm) **

_U ok? I'm sorry for yesterday. I hoped you'd wake me up, dork._

A friendly text-message as usual. I am not angry anymore. I never was an unforgiving person. People must do very bad things, for example killing a person I am close with to keep me angry forever. After finally arriving at home I smelled something coming out of the kitchen. I carelessly drop my stuff on the ground to see what it is.

"You cooked?" I stand in the door. I probably look like I've seen a ghost right now.

"Yeah. Well, it was easy, it's nothing big. You're probably hungry."

"Yes, I am. I'm surprised." For some reasons I just can not stop staring. Eric never cooked for me before. We barely cook at all. And it even smells nice and delicious. Then Eric suddenly begins to laugh.

"I wish you could see your face right now. Oh man, it's not even something big. You act like it's a four-course-meal."

"Well, it smells like one. Great!" And so we both forgot about that argument yesterday. This evening we laughed and had fun again. Now I remember what I've missed so much the last few weeks: Seeing Eric smile.

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**_Author's note:_ Well, I hoped to write a longer chapter this time. Oh well, maybe the next one. =u= Any ideas or improvement suggestions? Feel free to let me know and share your thoughts with me! c: ~**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter ● Three

One week passed since Eric and Kosuke had their little argument. Eric apologized with a little dinner, what left Kosuke very impressed. For him everything is fine again. But Eric's problems did not just fade. Kosuke still pains his feelings whenever he talks about Asuka. But he can not blame him for that.

Eric relaxes on the couch, watching TV while Kosuke is getting ready for doing a pub tour with the other members of HOMRA. He remembers the last one where he had to carry Chitose home because he was so drunk. He does not mind helping the others when they are drunk. They would do the same for him. But there is one thing he definitely does mind. While they are all outside having some fun Eric stays at home, watching TV until he comes back.

"Why don't you come with us? It's fun, I promise.", Kosuke says while taking a seat next to him on the couch.

"It surely is fun. But I don't want to come with you.", Eric says, eyes still fixed on the screen.

"Come on, Eric. You need to go outside for a bit. I don't want you to be all alone the whole night." Not a single word escapes the blond's mouth this time. Kosuke sighs, still looking at Eric while thinking about what to say. Even if it looks like it, Eric is not annoyed by Kosuke always asking him to go out with him and the other guys. To the contrary he enjoys this attention. He enjoys seeing Kosuke caring so much like he used to do back in the day.

"You know what? I think you need a girlfriend." Kosuke says, smirking a bit at the other, who turns to him immediately.

"What? Why?"

"Well, with a girlfriend you wouldn't be alone now. But you will never find someone by just sitting around. I think you need to change your kind of style as well."

"Why? What do you even mean?"

"You know what I mean. Look at you. You don't care about your clothes or how your hair looks like. If I would be a girl I would never ever date a guy who looks like that. I know, I know. That sounds mean now, but it's the brutal truth." Kosuke chuckles after finishing the last word. Eric however just keeps on staring at him. He repeats the others words in his head to slowly starting to believe what he just heard. He feels very uncomfortable right now, clearly overwhelmed with the whole situation.

"Oh, you know what Kosuke? Fuck you!" Eric angrily stands up to leave the living room. After entering the bedroom he slams the door, wishing Kosuke would just disappear right now. He would never admit it to Kosuke but he feels hurt. If someone like Bandou would have said that he would not care at all. But Kosuke, the one he has the strongest feelings for is far too much. He suddenly hears the front door closing loudly. He takes a look out of the window, watching Kosuke leaving. He did not even apologize for what he just said.

"What a jerk. Who does he think he is?", Eric says quietly to himself.

It is already after midnight. Eric again watches TV, waiting for Kosuke to come home again. For some reasons he does not feel tired at all. He is not even mad at Kosuke for what happened earlier. He just can not stay mad at him for long. Then he hears the red-head finally coming back. He seems to be drunk. Eric states by noticing how loud he enters the living room. Then Kosuke lets his heavy body fall down on the couch, without thinking about Eric.

"You're actually home early. What's wrong? Didn't have enough of the fun you told me about?", Eric says with a slight smirk on his face.

"Well, sorry if I disturbed you, honey." Kosuke says with a big grin on his face. "Chitose brought me home, I guess. We sat in his car and we talked about stuff and now I am here."

"Ah, interesting." Eric nods, trying to hold back a smile.

Kosuke just lies there for a while. Eric notices him falling asleep and so he tells him to go to bed. As they both enter the bedroom Kosuke carelessly lets his body fall down on the bed without taking his clothes off. Eric automatically helps him getting out of his shirt and trousers. Helping him means actually doing it without Kosuke doing anything, what makes it a pretty hard task to accomplish. But in the end he somehow manages it all.

Eric sits down on the edge of the bed, face turned to Kosuke. He suddenly seems to be awake right now. But Eric is sure that he will sleep within the next three minutes. The way he lies there. It makes him even more good-looking than he already is. Eric turns away, standing up to finally go to bed as well. He lies down on the other side, back turned on Kosuke.

"Night.", Eric says with a little yawn.

"Chitose says you are gay, ha.", Kosuke says and laughs. He keeps on staring at the ceiling, not looking at Eric, who slowly turns around to see him.

"He says _what_?"

"I said that it's not true. I actually wouldn't want to share a bed with a gay person, you know.", he turns his head to Eric, who still remains silent. "Hey, it's fine. Don't look at me like that. I don't know where he got it from. You know him, he's a bit of a weirdo, sometimes."

"What would you do if it's true. Would you kick me out then?" Eric tests him, his voice sounds a bit more aggressive than usual. Of course, it is true. He likes Kosuke, after all. But he would not admit it. Not here and not now. He just turns around again, trying to sleep.

"Yeah, probably kick you out of bed, pup.", Kosuke still laughs, prodding the other's back a little.

"You really have no idea." Eric nearly whispers against his arm, too quiet for the other to hear. "Kosuke, would you stop already?! I am trying to sleep.", Eric hisses at Kosuke, who finally stops prodding his back.

_"You really are someone special to me, Eric. I wouldn't want to ever let you go. I'm truly happy only with you, pup." Kosuke smiles, hugging Eric tightly. _

_"But what about the others? What will they think?"_

_"Who cares what a bunch of idiots think. I really love you, Eric. I loved you right from the start. I only care about what you think, you know that." Before Eric could say something Kosuke presses his lips onto the other's. Eric wants to wrap his arms around him but somehow it feels like there is no one there, nothing to grab. Those hands around him suddenly begin to feel cold as ice. He wants to get away, but these strong arms will not let him go. _

_"Eric. Hey, pup. Be a good boy and hold still." Eric is finally able to free himself. He tries to turn around and run away but when he does, another pair of hands grab him, pressing him down to the ground. There will be no chance to escape this time. The voice, what sounds like Kosuke's is still following him. _

_"Hold still. It'll only hurt in the first second. You'll get used to it don't you worry, pup." _

Eric awakens. It was just another nightmare. He breathes heavily, feeling hot and cold at the same time. Then he suddenly feels someone touching his shoulder. He backs away, defending himself with his aura.

"Woah, easy! It's me, it's me." Kosuke says, hiding himself behind his arms for a moment. "What's wrong, pup? Did you have another nightmare?"

Eric nods, turning his head away from Kosuke because he knows that he is near to tears right now.

"It's all over now." Kosuke comes closer, wrapping his arms around the younger to bring a little bit comfort to him. "It was just a nightmare. There's nothing real about it, okay?", he whispers.

After staying like this for a while Eric slowly becomes tired again. He tells Kosuke that he is fine again and they both go to sleep again. Eric remembers the first part of his dream. He remembers Kosuke's words and his hug. He did not think that something beautiful like this could even turn into such a terrifying nightmare.


End file.
